In a divorce, children can suffer as much as adults. You can become so focused on your own turmoil that you seldom take a moment to see how your children are affected by the approaching separation of their parents.

It is vital that you stop and take a moment to think about what your children are going through. At the family and divorce law firm of Childs & Childs, we offer you legal and personal guidance through the divorce process that can help minimize the effects of divorce on children and protect them as much as possible.

How Children Cope with Divorce

The emotional collision between children and divorce cannot be completely avoided. Depending on factors such as their gender, age, maturity level, and their overall psychological health, your child's response can vary greatly. No matter how much you try to protect them, they may feel sad, angry, guilty, lonely, and even suicidal. Their emotional pain can be distressing to you and your spouse, but their ability to cope will depend on how you address or mishandle the divorce with each other, and with them.

As a mother you're concern may be: Am I going to lose my kids? Their fear is: Will I lose my father? While father's sometimes win primary custody of the children in divorce, statistics show that young children and teenagers who spend as much time as possible with their parents can cope better with the changes that occur during a divorce, have less behavioral issues afterwards, and are less prone to experiencing relationship difficulties as adults.

Whether divorce is a possibility or a reality, 10 things to think about regarding your children are:

• Custody - Regardless of your final arrangement, as kids become older they may wish to experience living more with your spouse.
• Visitation - Connections with both parents is crucial. A schedule providing fair time with both parents and flexibility with older children is important.
• Holidays - Getting through holidays with your children will be challenging. Focusing on the positive and being sympathetic is crucial for them and you.
• Support - Child support and visitation are not connected. Punishing a spouse for non-payment by reducing visitation will affect your kids directly.
• Insurance - There are divorce and life insurance issues such as durations, who handles the policy, lapses, beneficiaries and other matters to negotiate.
• Single Parenting - Always remember that your ultimate goal is to raise happy, healthy and well-adjusted children. Work with your ex-spouse.
• Co-Parenting - Children can pit married parents against each other. After a divorce, continuing with routines and expectations becomes more critical.
• Step Parenting - Adjustment to, communication and management of new relationships must be addressed in order to spare children any distress.
• Relocation - Along with the legal considerations, there are the emotional issues involving kids leaving their school, friends, relatives, and their other parent.
• Domestic Violence - If you cannot stop any child abuse from continuing, it can cause more damage to your children than a divorce.

Collaboration and Mediation vs. Litigation

Whether a divorce is a battle you're out to win through divorce litigation, or a puzzle to be solved by more collaborative means, your children will assume their share of the responsibility. Unlike going to court where children are excluded from participating, their needs and interests are part of the decision making process under collaborative law. A licensed mental health professional helps educate you on the issues divorce creates for children and offers strategies for helping them, and you, cope.

If you face a divorce, it pays to remember that your kids love you both, and that you are going through the process together. Keeping the best interests of the children in mind with your own is vital to ensuring a healthier outcome for the whole family. We can help. Contact Childs & Childs now to receive $50 off your consultation with our divorce and collaborative law attorneys for divorce help focused on your well-being and your children's.